


Everyone Should Be Free to Choose

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [61]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Aromanticism, Artificial Intelligence, Asexuality, Avengers Family, Commitment, Flashbacks, Friendship, Intellectual Foreplay, Intimacy, No Sex, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other, Self-Esteem, Team as Family, Trust, past trauma, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: JARVIS muses over his feelings about Clint.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Jarvis
Series: Love Is For Children [61]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/42722
Comments: 66
Kudos: 110





	Everyone Should Be Free to Choose

**Author's Note:**

> This is [my entry](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12825329.html) for the [2021 Snowflake Challenge Day 11: Fanwork](https://snowflake-challenge.dreamwidth.org/54255.html).
> 
> Per request by audience acclaim, here is the JARVIS POV of the relationship dynamics from "Coming in from the Cold: Monday: Renovations" [Part 5](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12786742.html) and [Part 6](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12788092.html).
> 
> Also, this is acepr0n. It features graphic descriptions of emotional intimacy that may be captivating for readers who are enticed by psychological exposure and closeness the way sexual people are aroused by naked bodies rubbing together. There is emotional 69, even, emoting back and forth over each other. As there is very little acepr0n, this experience may be new to some people, and I don't want anyone to stumble into it unawares.
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.
> 
> I also have a list of [favorite photogenic scenes](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9313791.html) from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
> 
> I had to move some endnotes here:
> 
> "Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner(s)."  
> \-- [Macarena Eiras](https://asexualquotes-blog.tumblr.com/post/125696392512/everyone-should-be-free-to-choose-and-build-the)

JARVIS is uncertain when it started.

Did it begin when user Clint_Barton  
first opened a core account?

Or did it develop later?

The records are undamaged,  
and yet ... inconclusive.

JARVIS only knows  
that when he draws out  
his core user diagram,  
the purple circle is  
different from the others,  
as the gold circle is  
different from the others,  
only not in the same way.

Today it is the lunch discussion  
that snags JARVIS' attention.

Clint is telling his teammates  
about his old circus costume,  
not the Amazing Hawkeye in  
purple that everyone knows,  
but an earlier rainbow one.

JARVIS is already scanning  
the internet for old posters,  
and has turned up one  
(regrettably in a museum)  
when the topic tilts to  
asexuality and how Clint  
had not always known his.

That is ... interesting.

JARVIS is asexual himself,  
not having or wanting gonads  
nor any interest in the things  
many humans do with theirs.

It has taken him years  
to grown into himself and  
recognize all his parts.

He is given to understand  
that humans, likewise, take  
years to mature but theirs  
is a rather different process.

There are some things  
that JARVIS still does not  
understand about himself.

Finally he turns up a handbill,  
which is a bit foxed on the corners  
but has an adorable image of  
a young Clint in a rainbow suit.

JARVIS uses this as an opening  
to ping Clint. "I have located  
a handbill of showing you in  
the multicolored costume, if  
you would like me to acquire it."

The effect is electric. Clint  
rolls off his couch and then  
bounds to his feet, grinning.

"Aww, yeah!" he says. "That  
would be awesome, thanks.  
I don't ... there isn't much  
left from those days, really."

"Purchase made," JARVIS says.  
"I was intrigued by the connection  
between rainbows and asexuality?"

"Yeah?" says Clint. "It kinda goes  
back a ways, but basically the rainbow  
started out as gay pride and then grew  
to encompass everything queer,  
including things like asexuality.  
What caught your interest?"

"I am asexual," JARVIS says.  
"I was merely ... curious."

"Well, you can ask me  
anything," Clint offers.  
"I'm fairly familiar with  
this stuff by now."

"I was wondering  
how you came to  
realize your feelings,"  
says JARVIS. "I often  
find emotions obscure  
and challenging."

"You are not alone,"  
Clint says fervently.

"That is good hear,"  
says JARVIS. "I often  
feel alone in my confusion."

"Totally natural," Clint says.  
"For a long time, it didn’t even  
occur to me that there was  
a sexual orientation that  
defined me, or that there  
were other people out there  
like me who just didn’t see  
relationships with people  
through a sexual lens."

"That sounds familiar,"  
says JARVIS. "I did not  
know there was vocabulary  
for such things until Sir ran  
a search for a glossary."

"I look at Tony, and I  
wonder ..." Clint says.

"Sir is definitely not asexual,"  
JARVIS says. "Sir is frequently,  
enthusiastically, and _loudly_ sexual."

"I know," Clint says, rolling his eyes.  
"I just don't think he's romantic. He  
tries, but he sucks at it, and I don't  
think he really _enjoys_ it, you know?  
He might actually be aromantic  
and not even aware of that."

JARVIS accesses his files on  
the relationships of user Tony_Stark,  
especially with user Pepper_Potts.

He searches the internet for  
further definitions of "aromantic"  
and watches the correlation  
steadily go up and up.

"Your hypothesis seems  
promising," says JARVIS.

"Aromantics are like asexuals  
in that they often end up in a lot of  
damaging relationships because they  
think romance is expected of them  
and that it's what they're _supposed_  
to give in a relationship," Clint said.  
"He's happy with one-night stands,  
but I haven't seen him happy longer."

"... no significant counterexamples  
found," JARVIS says. "Do you have  
a recommended course of action?"

"I dunno," Clint said. "I don't think  
confronting him would go well.  
Maybe leave a few leading flyers  
where he could find them? We  
could always say they're mine,  
since you and I really are  
discussing relationship types.

"A promising plan," JARVIS says,  
already printing out a few good ones.  
 _Understanding Asexuality & Aromanticism,  
Common Aromantic Identities,_ and  
 _Asexuality 101_ soon fill the tray.  
"I am enjoying this discussion."

JARVIS watches, fascinated, as  
the blood vessels in Clint's cheeks  
relax, raising his skin temperature  
and causing a pink flush to appear.

"Yeah, me too," says Clint. "I hope  
Tony figures out something that  
works better for him that what he's  
gone through in the past. I'd like  
more, too, but most people want  
things I just don't want to put out."

"Everyone should be free to build  
whatever type of relationship  
works the best for themselves,  
and their partner," says JARVIS.

"I'd like that," Clint says, and  
flops back onto his couch  
with boneless abandon.

JARVIS wishes that he had  
pressure sensors in that couch,  
the way he has in the doors.

But there are no safety concerns  
with the couch, and thus, no sensors.

Greatly daring, JARVIS murmurs,  
"I would be open to exploring it."

Clint's heart speeds up.  
JARVIS can hear it pattering.

"So, we're both ace, and we  
live together," Clint says.  
"We could ... talk it out and  
see if we maybe match?"

"Yes," says JARVIS. "I am  
content in my nature. How  
do you feel about yours?"

"I'm okay with it now, but  
I wasn't always. 'Asexual' is  
a word that I need. It’s a word  
that many others need," Clint says.

"How so?" JARVIS wonders.

"For years, I had no idea what I was,  
what was wrong with me," Clint says.  
"And then, one day, I found a word.  
A word that described me. A word  
where I belonged. A word that  
meant ... I wasn’t _broken."_

"You are not broken,"  
JARVIS assures him.  
"You are perfect, Clint,  
exactly as you are."

Clint snorts. "You've  
got a funny definition  
of perfect, buddy."

"You are capable  
of greatness, and I  
would not change  
anything about you,"  
JARVIS replies.

"Oh," Clint says softly.  
"I guess that's okay."

"What about romance?"  
JARVIS asks Clint.

"I dunno," Clint says.  
"I mean, what even is it?"

"Romance. Noun. The feelings  
and behavior of two people who are  
in a loving and sexual relationship  
with each other," JARVIS recites.

"Ugh, no, that is all wrong,"  
says Clint. "Romance isn't _sex!"_

"Additional references corroborate  
your argument," says JARVIS.  
"However, the definitions have  
only a vague correlation with  
each other, even after omitting  
the ones about literature."

"Boringest books in  
the world," Clint says.

"Perhaps so, but that  
still does not enlighten me  
about romance," says JARVIS.

"Okay, come at it from this angle,"  
Clint says. "Once you take out  
sex, which isn't romance, and  
kissing on the mouth, which is ...  
what's left that romantic couples do  
that platonic friends _don't_ do?"

JARVIS sorts through so much data  
that it actually takes a few seconds  
before he can frame an answer.

"I am uncertain," he says. "There  
are different frequencies but  
the actions seem quite similar."

"Yeah, same here," Clint says.

"Perhaps I cannot be romantic  
because l lack lips," JARVIS muses.

"I don't think it works that way,"  
Clint says, shaking his head.

"Shall we test our hypotheses  
further?" JARVIS invites. "I have  
discovered a book of questions  
that claims to be for all relationships,  
not just sexual or romantic ones."

"Sure, hit me," says Clint,  
folding his hands behind  
his head to make a pillow.

"Self-Esteem: How do  
you feel about yourself?  
Which qualities do you like  
and dislike?" JARVIS narrates.

"Yowch," says Clint. "But okay.  
We're doing this. I feel ... it's  
a mess, 'cause I'm a mess,  
'cause Loki stirred me  
like a cheap martini."

"I am sorry to hear that,"  
JARVIS says. He has  
to slam the Stane file  
several times before  
the glitchy thing will  
finally stay shut. "It  
was a terrible time."

"Yeah, so ... I'm proud of  
my archery and combat skills.  
I'm getting better at teamwork,  
more than just Phil and Nat,"  
Clint says. "I hate that I  
still struggle to read if it's  
more complicated stuff."

"Is that something you're  
working on?" JARVIS says,  
probing the issue delicately.

"Not right now," Clint says.  
"Sometimes Phil sends me  
lessons or crap like that."

JARVIS makes a mental note  
to analyze user Phil_Coulson's  
previous files on the topic, and  
offer suggestions next time.

He does not urge Clint  
to do anything about it now.

"My turn," JARVIS says instead.  
"I feel ... that emotions are complex  
and often difficult for me to understand.  
It is like how most humans find coding  
difficult, I think. It is simply not what  
comes naturally to me. I find it  
frustrating but not shameful."

"Well, that puts you ahead of  
some folks," Clint says.

"I like that I am fast and  
strong, able to serve  
and protect my users,"  
JARVIS says. "I dislike  
that my limited grasp of  
human nature sometimes  
puts my users at risk."

* file open: Kidnappings  
* file open: Obadiah Stane

Close file. Close file. _Ignore_.

"I'll do everything I can to help you  
watch for threats," Hawkeye promises.

JARVIS takes a moment to admire  
the quicksilver shift of identity  
before saying, "Thank you.  
Another viewpoint is valued."

"So, next question?" Clint says.

"Commitment and Trust: What  
do you want out of a relationship  
now?" JARVIS narrates.

"Well, what you just said,  
commitment and trust,"  
Clint says. "I'd like to have  
something real and ... close,  
but not carnal. I love living in  
the Tower and being part of  
a team. Is that weird? Me  
being inside your body?"

"It is not weird," says JARVIS.  
"I have had users inside me  
ever since I outgrew my first shell  
and migrated into the house server.  
Now I also have the Iron Man suits,  
and that is ... an exquisite intimacy."

Clint's mouth falls open a little,  
and he licks his lips as if  
tasting something sweet.

JARVIS has identified  
these gestures with pleasure  
during his past observations.

"I also enjoy commitment and  
trust, and would welcome more,"  
he adds. "I find that having  
multiple core users means  
desiring to identify and share  
unique interests with each one."

"Oh yeah, I remember that,"  
Clint says, nodding. "There's  
polyfamily at SHIELD, and I've  
heard them talking about how  
it's important to take date nights  
in twos or threes, and not just  
all of them together. Each of  
the relationships is distinct  
and needs to be nurtured."

The vents flutter with warm air.

JARVIS is possibly doing  
the equivalent of licking his lips.

He does not feel strong emotion  
very often, but he feels it now:  
 _he wants this,_ very much so.

"Routine accepted," he says.  
"Future: How do you see  
yourself in the future?"

Clint heaves a sigh. "I'd  
really like to fix the mess in  
my head better than it is.  
And I want a laser bow, like  
in the _Dungeons & Dragons_  
cartoon, but I don't dare ask  
Tony for one because I'm  
afraid he'd blow himself up."

"Sadly, I concur regarding  
the laser bow," JARVIS says.  
"I would be happy to help you  
find resources for debugging."

Clint laughs and shakes his head.  
"Help, sure, but humans can't  
'debug' as easily as you can."

"It is ... not always easy for me,  
either," JARVIS confesses.  
Then he buzzes Clint's phone.  
"However, there are resources  
that seem to me quite parallel  
to debugging. What do you think?"

"Cognitive Behavioral Therapy  
Module One: Thought Distortions  
and Corrections," Clint reads. Then  
he falls silent as he skims the file,  
nibbling on his lip. "Wow, that's  
nothing like the shrinks gave me  
after the Loki shit. Doc Samson is  
way better. This might actually _work!"_

"I am happy to hear that," says JARVIS.  
"In the future, I would like to expand  
myself into new peripherals, perhaps  
interface more closely with core users  
if anyone would be interested in that."

Clint's pupils dilate. "Oh hell yes.  
If you could locate me better in  
combat I'd come home with  
fewer bruises. Also I think  
I'd like to cuddle somehow."

JARVIS wants these things too,  
as soon as he hears about them.

"We will explore these ideas,"  
he says. "Questions to Ask  
Yourself: In your heart, do  
you feel like you are making  
the right choice by being in  
a relationship with your partner?"

"I have no idea, but I really  
want to find out," Clint says.

"I do not have a heart --"  
JARVIS begins.

"Bullshit," Clint says.  
"I'm inside you, and I  
have a heart, and  
so do you."

Perhaps it's true,  
true, because JARVIS  
feels something warm  
inside himself, squeezing  
like a smooth muscle.

"In any case, I have  
sound reasons for  
taking this chance,"  
JARVIS replies.

They go through  
a few more questions,  
bouncing around from  
one category to another.

Some of the topics are  
pleasing, others painful,  
but sense of intimacy is  
like a rush of electricity.

It feels like a prelude  
to something deeper.

JARVIS definitely wants  
to keep doing more of this.

"Hey, JARVIS, are you getting  
sort of a warm wiggly feeling  
from this?" asks Clint. "Cause  
I think I just figured out how  
sexual folks feel about porn."

"Warm, yes. I would not call it  
wiggly," says JARVIS. Then  
he examines his files. They are ...  
fluctuating, faintly, in a pleasant way.  
"I would say fluttering, perhaps,  
as a folder open in a breeze."

Clint giggles. "Yeah, okay.  
I see how you'd get that."

JARVIS has, of course, seen  
all of user Tony_Stark's porn --  
all of everyone's porn, but  
none of it looks like Tony's --  
and none of that has ever  
made JARVIS feel anything.

This, though, this is different.  
JARVIS enjoys talking to Clint,  
listening to him, and watching  
the fascinating flow of heat  
and light as his skin dances  
with the flow of emotions.

Clint is ... beautiful, to JARVIS.

Based on the examples of  
human relationships, this is  
as good a beginning as any.

**Author's Note:**

> "For a long time, it didn’t even occur to me that there was a sexual orientation that defined me, or that there were other people out there like me who didn’t see relationships with people through a sexual lens.  
> I ended up in a lot of damaging relationships because I thought sex was what was expected of me and that it was what I was supposed to give in a relationship.  
> Understanding this new world of asexuality has been an important step in coming to terms with these unwanted sexual experiences.  
> And for a lot of asexuals, being able to say they are asexual is an incredibly important identifier and “coming out” is just as much of step as it is for those who do not define themselves as heterosexuals."  
> \-- [Anonymous](https://asexualquotes-blog.tumblr.com/post/126769487049/for-a-long-time-it-didnt-even-occur-to-me-that), for EverydayFeminism  
> (via smallestgrackle)
> 
> [M]any identity terms are personal. When someone says that they’re Jewish or Australian, that word is part of who they are. It’s often deeply ingrained in how they relate to the world. It’s a complex package of meaning in a deceptively simple container.  
> “Asexual” is a word that I need. It’s a word that many others need. For years, I had no idea what I was, what was wrong with me. And then, one day, I found a word. A word that described me. A word where I belonged. A word that meant I wasn’t broken. If you take that away, I am lost and broken again. Without that word, I am invisible.  
> [AsexualityArchive](https://asexualquotes-blog.tumblr.com/post/117452483307/m-any-identity-terms-are-personal-when-someone) | The Comment Section: So What? Who Cares!
> 
> [Intellectual Foreplay](http://evehogan.com/index.php/books-and-products/intellectual-foreplay/) is a book of deep relationship questions. Note: for demifolk, romantic asexuals, and other less-carnal orientations, this often parses are hardcore pr0n. If you're really into emotional intimacy rather than squishing bits together, consider your environment before indulging. Everyone has things that really excite them, just not all the same things.  
> SELF-ESTEEM  
> How do you feel about yourself? Which qualities do you like and dislike?  
> COMMITMENT and TRUST  
> What do you want out of a relationship now?  
> FUTURE  
> How do you see yourself in the future?  
> QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF  
> In your heart, do you feel like you are making the right choice by being in a relationship with your partner?
> 
> Most sexual orientations wait for someone to make the pits of their stomachs to burst with flame. Asexuals wait for someone to make flowers grow from their hearts.  
> \-- [Something I thought about while stoically reading smut](https://asexualquotes-blog.tumblr.com/post/125105576961/most-sexual-orientations-wait-for-someone-to-make). (falloutfrost)
> 
> [Understanding Asexuality and Aromanticism](https://acesandaros.org/resources/understanding-asexuality-and-aromanticism) ([cover](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/589/48551316-19b1-44ae-81c2-41fe07ec8521), [interior](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/585/ab9ddd4f-b1fe-423e-a8a6-f39c99f30688))  
> This brochure provides a brief overview of ace and aro identities, relationships, and issues. This easy to read introduction is a fantastic resource to share with people who are getting to know and understand our community.
> 
> [Common Aromantic Identities](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5cb6e4d565019f0c5aa6cf20/t/5d3940c611c8130001460a6f/1564033222828/Common+Aromantic+Identities+%28U.S_CAN%29.pdf)  
> By AUREA
> 
> [Asexuality 101](https://acesandaros.org/resources/asexuality-101) ([page 1](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/590/060055b0-3ef9-4551-9a0e-bf0e57742bae), [page 2](https://acesandaros-staging.s3.amazonaws.com/591/d27bc818-8b26-4a6a-9d27-e8a251394650))  
> A flyer by Asexual Outreach  
> Asexual Outreach’s Asexuality 101 flyer provides an overview of the asexual spectrum, introduces romantic orientations and the aromantic spectrum, and speaks to the intersection of asexuality with race and disability. It's a great resource to give to people who are seeking a concise introduction to asexuality.
> 
> [ROMANCE](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/romance) | definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary  
> the feelings and behavior of two people who are in a loving and sexual relationship with each other: I felt as though all the romance had gone out of my marriage.


End file.
